Regret...

Well it's Sunday and the time now is 12:51 in the morning.

I sit here thinking about all the wrongs that I have done in my life. I have more than enough to regret.

One of my biggest regrets so far in my life is something that I keep doing over and over and that is not to listen to people when they try to explain to me why they did something. I always jump to my own conclusions without giving them the benefit of the doubt and to actually listen to what they have to say.

On a previous blog called "To whom it may concern" I was being unreasonable with a guy who is actually a very nice guy. I didn't even ask him once what really happned. I just blew up at him for lying to me.

The reason I type this blog is for the simple reason that today and most probably for the rest of my life I will have to live with the regret of not giving people time to explain themselves and then I end up telling them to fuck off - not because I want to, but because I am so furious and angry at that point and time.

Last night I had one of the best times of my life. I ended up being drunk but I enjoyed myself. At the same time I have the feeling that I fucked up what could have possibly been something great. This time it was my fault and not the other persons fault. I don't know what it is with me and always trying to impress people. At the end of the day I just end up making a fool out of myself. That is probably the reason why I am still single because I know people won't accept me for who I am so I just pretend to be someone else.

I do regret it. In fact I regret doing most of the stupid things that I have done in my life.

Fine I am being hard on myself but if no one is going to be hard on me then I have to be hard on myself. I just need to give people time to explain themselves to me and listen.

I spoke to a close friend and told him that my worst quality is not to listen to people and then he asked what my best quality is. Odd and contradicting as it might sound my best quality is to listen to people.

Come to think of it... "The One", the person that we all search for, has come into my life and I'm not going to elaborate on where and when but that also ended in a big fuck up for the simple reason that I don't listen to what people have to say.

In this next couple of weeks I will spend most of my time apologizing to the people that tried to explain what happned... Think it's time I let go of the past for good. I dwell to much in the past...