10:47 on Monday Evening...

I sit here on the end of my bed typing this blog. Listening to Us against the world from Westlife. Stunning song.

There will be days when were on different side but that won't last long...
sometimes I feel like I can't keep it together, then you hold me close and make it better. When I'm with you I feel unbreakable.

How was this weekend for me? In all honesty it wasn't bad... It wasn't bad at all... Went shopping with one of my friends on Saturday and had a blast. Had to get out of the house. My bedroom walls were driving me crazy because that is where I spend most of my evenings.

One of me and Rihana's favourite songs are Relax by Mika. Awesome song that is... It her and my song.. You just got to love it.

I sit here not being able to think. Pills I am taking at the moment is sort of clouding my mind and that is why my last few blogs has been absolutaley shit in all honesty. Can't think properly...

First I get hot and then I get freezing cold. My back is killing me slowely but surely - probably because of my bad posture. Ayesha has told me about this but do you think I listen? Nope... Francois knows better or so I think...

On Saturday I phoned nearly everyone on my phonebook. There was 2 reasons behind those phonecalls.

1) To say "Hello and how are you doing?" to my friends.

2) and an indirect "Fuck you!" to the rest.

Watched movies on Saturday..... Interesting evening Saturday... Don't ask me to elaborate... It was just interesting...

"SO SO SO SCANDALOUS"

What more can I elaborate on... Alot happned this weekend... Saw my ex this weekend... Wasn't that fun. Lets just say the poor man realised what he lost... I looked hot even if I must say it myself...

"A LITTLE CONVERSATION GOES A LONG WAY, A ONE NIGHT STAND JUST AIN'T ENOUGH"

So true... Don't do one night stands in the first place... Makes me sick to my stomach just thinking of it. Was sitting tonight on the porch looking up at the sky. Cold as hell but it looked so beautiful. Not a cloud in the sky. Just a clear sky...

"STOP AND STARE"

When one just sits back and put everything in perspective you will realise that maybe you overreacted the one time. Maybe you were acting like a little spoilt brat when it really wasn't necessary.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of me. It's time to make my move, I'm shakin off the rust. I've got my heart set on anywhere but here. I'm staring down myself, counting up the years. Steady hands, just take the wheel...And every glance is killing me. Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah I know that everyone gets scared. But I've become what I can't be. You start to wonder why you're here not there. And you'd give anything to get what's fair. But fair ain't what you really need.

"ITS A GOOD THING TEARS NEVER SHOW IN THE POURING RAIN"

Never make promises you can't keep. If you don't like someone or if you don't like something that someone is doing then tell them. Don't just keep your mouth shut. Keeping your mouth shut will just frustrate you more until you can't take it anymore and then blow up at the wrong person and trust me when I say that you don't want that to happen. Some people might want you to keep your mouth shut but live your life. Just wish that everyone could be themselves and not what other people want them to be. So little people in Cape Town are what I call "real people". It's all about the look, what you drive, what you wear, where you live. Can't people just accept you for who you are.

"THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENSIONS"

We all have a song... The song... It makes you want to get up and shake your booty all night long. I have a couple... More than enough actually but at the moment it has to be Madonna's new song called 4 minutes to save the world.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of usIt's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rustI've got my heart set on anywhere but hereI'm staring down myself, counting up the yearsSteady hands, just take the wheel...And every glance is killing meTime to make one last appeal... for the life I lead. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah I know that everyone gets scared. But I've become what I can't be. You start to wonder why you're here not there. And you'd give anything to get what's fair. But fair ain't what you really need.

"WATCH ME COME UNDONE"

In how many different ways can you tell a person that you like them? Tell them that you are actually interested in them... I don't know... Let's just say that I have tried everything... Maybe I'm just not good at playing the game.. Who cares? Not me.. I'm not in Cape Town to play silly little games. I'm here with a plan. One that is well on it's way and no one will intefere with it. Not even the men of Cape Town. Most of the men in Cape Town are a bunch of wankers in any case.
There is a handfull left but they are so hard to find... I think I chat to like the last couple of them left.

"RING THE ALARM, I HAVE BEEN TROUGHT THIS FOR TOO LONG"

The song that opens Romeo & Juliet is amazing... "Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair verona where we lay our scene from ancient grudge lay to new mutiny. Where civil blood make civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal lines from these two foes. A pair of star crossed lovers take their lifes".... Doesn't that just make you want to say "NUT CASE!!!"

Should have been stronger, I lied. Nobody gets me right. Couldn't hold of you then. How was I supposed to know what you meant. I know everything changes. Can we bring yesterday back around. I was dumb, I was young, I was wrong. I let alot of people down.

"FOR ALL THESE TIMES"

When your sitting there it's hard for me to walk away. Distance doesn't matter, but you feel so far away. I try to find the words that I can say. I can't lie. When I leave my heart turns gray. I want to come back home to see your face tonight. Another day without you with me is like a blade that cuts right through me. When you call my heart stops beating and when your gone it won't stop bleeding...