The Time Is Now!

Well you done me and you bet I felt it, I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted. I fell right through the cracks and now I'm trying to get back before the cool done run out. I'll be giving it my bestest because nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention. I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some.

Well open up your mind and see like me. Open up your plans and damn you're free. Look into your heart and you'll find love. Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing. We're just one big family and it's our God-forsaken right to be loved.

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer. My breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and laughed. I guess what I am saying is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons. It's what we aim to do - our name is our virtue.

I won't hesitate no more, no more. It cannot wait, I'm sure. There's no need to complicate because our time is short.

Progress for the sake of happiness...

If I lay hereIf I just lay here.

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

All that I am

All that I ever was

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

I’ve been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it until I let go
Gave into love
And watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart

And I’m out on the edge of forever
Ready to run
Keeping my feet on the ground
Arms open wide,
Face to the sun

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time to be
More than a name
Or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time
This is the time of my life

Breaking Free....

Feel free right now, going do what you want to do.Can't let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we. No time for moping around, are you kidding? And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning. It's been a long week, I put in my hardest. Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right.

Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do. Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new. Keep your head up high. In yourself, believe in you, believe in me. Having a really good time, I'm not complaining. And I'm still going to wear a smile even if it's raining. I got to enjoy myself regardless. I appreciate life, I'm so glad I got mine.

So I like what I see when I'm looking at me. When I'm walking past the mirror. No stress through the night, at a time in my life. my head on straight, I got my vibe right.

What do you see?

What do you see when you look into my eyes?

Failing . . .

What does one do when you have lost the will to live?

For people it's easy to say "Pick yourself up from the ground and fight back" I can't do that. Not anymore. Fighting for over a year too just be happy.

I don't expect things to fall into my lap but after such a long time I would have expected to see something more than just failures, one after the other.

I have nothing to show but failures. Yeah I'm most probably bringing myself down in the process and the whole thinking postive thing just isn't working for me anymore because there is nothing be be positive about.

I have attempted to take my life on so many occasions that I lost count but for one reason of another I never am able to succeed in what I do. See I even fail in taking my own life.

Little Mr Obsessive

Am I the reason why you tossed and turned last night? Everything is such a blur, it didn't come out right. All of a sudden it's cold and we're falling apart. No this can't be please don't leave me alone in the dark.

I guess we're really over, so come over, I'm not over it. Late night you make me feel like I'm desperate, I'm not desperate. A little bit possessive, little mister obsessive, can't get over it.

I have never been a fan of long goodbye's. I'm at the finishing line and you're just way too far behind. In the morning, I got in the fight with myself and I got the bruises to prove it.

Now it's like a fairy tale without a happy ending, but then again maybe we are just pretending. Why does it have to be so unfair?

Change Part 2

Time for a change. Long overdue but much needed.

Only I will now while I waited until now for it too happen - rather late than never I guess.

Baby you should have told me because now I'm torn apart. I never thought you'd do that - eveything is gone. I've almost got rid of all the pain but the only thing I've left to say is how could you leave me so damaged?

Feeling . . .

Time now is 3:30 . . . I sit here in the office, music blasting my ears to shit but at least I don't have to listen to the people moaning and groaning . . .

Have stomach pain - I think I might have eaten to much today - I feel like a glutton today. Had 4 bottles of Coke today - can feel it affecting me but not to the extent that it used to. My eyes feel like they are going to pop out of my head - I should really find my glasses and start wearing them . . .

My brain so full of useless shit today that it's not even funny - so much to concentrate on.

Feeling numb today again - noticed lately that I feel despondent and just developed a attitude of "dont care" . . .

I will come right I keep telling myself . . . I think it's the first step towards making your life better that's the hardest to do . . .

Such a stunning song it is that Shayne Ward sings in "What About Me". Some of the lyrics goes like this . . . . .

He gets pushed around

Knocked to the ground

But he gets to his feet and he says...

What about me

It isn't fair

I've had enough now I want my share

Can't you see I wanna live

But you just take more then you give

Life...

I have always been a firm believer that life as we now it happens when you least expect it. Fuck if I have to take the past year alone and ask myself how many times life happned to me I would probably lose count.

Every action, every descision, every thought is a stepping stone in what we become as individuals. Sometimes we feel down and low and like you can't go on anymore but when in reality things come across our paths that are meant to test us, meant to break us, meant to make us stronger.

No one can sort out the issues that we experience. One has to find the answers and solutions by one self. A friend said the other day to have patience is the best thing to do in such turbulant times. Things doesn't make sence at the moment but they will eventually.

It's not how you handle life - it's how you pick yourself up from the blows that life deals you.

Tears are forming in my eyes, a storm is warning in the sky. The end of the world it seems. I bend down and I fall on my knees and I'll get back on my feet.

I was always playin' hard, I never could let down my guard, no, and if I can't win, if I never give in to that voice within it's saying "pick up your chin".

I take my hesitance and my self-defense and leave them behind, it's only life. I don't have to be so afraid to face every day. I have to take my time and hold on tight. I musn't look away or lose faith because it's only life.

A collection of things...

I’ve never been this accountable-less and within. I’ve never known focusless-ness on any form. I’ve never had this lack of ache for dalliance.To let go and let God in ways I have never even imagined.

These are not times for the weak of heart. These are the days of raw despondence. I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this.

One day I’ll find relief. I’ll be arrived and I’ll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends. I have been running so sweaty my whole life. Urgent for a finish line. And I have been missing the rapture this whole time - of being forever incomplete.

Ever unfolding. Ever expanding. Ever adventurous and torturous, but never done. One day, I will speak freely and I’ll be less afraid.

Reborn and shivering. Spat out on new terrain. Unsure, unconvincing. This faint and shaky hour. Gun shy and quivering. Timid, without a hand. Feign brave with steel intent. Little and hardly here.

Day one, day one, start over again. Step one, step one. Not much making sense just yet - I’m faking it, 'til I’m pseudo making it.

At Last - A Song I Can Truly Relate To...

Something so benign for construed as cruelty

Such a difference between who I am and who you see

Conclusions you come to of me routinely incorrect

I don’t know who you’re talking to with such fucking disrespect

This shit’s making me crazy

The way you nullify what’s in my head

You say one thing do another

And argue that’s not what you did

Your way’s making me mental

How you filter as skewed interpret

I swear you won’t be happy til

I am bound in a straitjacket

Talking with you’s like talking to a sieve that can’t hear me

You fight me tooth and nail to disavow what’s happening

Your resistance to a mirror I feel screaming from your body

One day I’ll introduce myself and you’ll see you’ve not yet met me

Grand dissonance

The strings of my puppet are cut

The end of an era

Your discrediting’s lost my consent

Untitled - Take 2

Baby I love you. You are my life, my happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side to my relation and connection to the sun with you next to me there's no darkness I can't overcome. You are my raindrops, I am the sea. With you and God, who's the sunlight I'll bloom and grow so beautifully. Baby I'm so proud, proud to be your man. You make the confusion go all away from this cold and messed up world.

'Cause years before I became who I am, baby, you were my man, I know it ain't easy, easy loving me. I appreciate the love and dedication. From you to me. And I see my whole future in your eyes. The thought of all my love for you sometimes makes me wanna cry. I have realized all my blessings. I'm grateful to have you by my side.

And Once Again Life Happens...

I sit here again in the office thinking about all the shit that has happned over the past couple of days. Let's just say that things started to spiral out of control and now I'm taking charge of it just to get some sort of control.

I don't know what to do in all honesty - this is probably the first time in my entire life that I don't know to approach a situation because no matter which way I approach it I still end up back at square one.

Numerous people have told me what to do and how to approach the situation but what do I do? Do I listen to them? Don't I?

At the end of the day the descision is mine. I don't know what to do. Being hit by a train would be an easy answer but unfortunately I am faced with life at the moment and I must deal with it.

When your heart ain't admitting you're not satisfied
You know that I know just how you feel
I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely

Energy...

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory

Cuz I put too much energy in him and me

Can't wait til I get through this phase

Cuz it's killing me too bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me

It's hard to believe i'm still lonely

Chances fading now, patience running out

This ain't how it's supposed to be

Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity

Could keep your feet off the ground when you were with me

How can two be as one and become so divided now

There's no use hiding from the misery

Such a mystery when he's here with me

It's hard to believe i'm still lonely

Now I can feel you're changin me

And I can't afford to slip much further

From the person I was meant to be

I'm not afraid to walk alone

Not giving up on moving on

Before it gets too deep...

Cold Shoulder

You say it's all in my head

And the things

I think just don't make sense

So where you been then?

Don't go all coy

Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault

See I can see that look in your eyes

The one that shoots me each and every time

These days when I see you

You make it look like see-through

Do tell me why you waste our time

When your heart ain't admitting you're not satisfied

You know I know just how you feel

I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too

Time and time again, I play the role of fool

Even in the daylight when you

Try to look for things I hear but our eyes never find

Though I do know how you play

You shower me with words made of knives

Break The Dawn....

Oh there's somethin' bout the skylight tonight

Something that makes me know everythin's gon' be alright

There's somethin' in the way that the stars align

There's not a single moment I'mma pass by

The hour's now

The base is loud

The disco lights Shinin' through the crowd

We're holdin' time in our hands and it stops when we say

We say And we ain’t stoppin' 'til the morning light

We gotta hold back the sun, don't let it come

Ain't stoppin' for no one

The night is young

Don't let them turn on the lights

Let us decide when they play that last song

The night is done

When we break the dawn

Oh there somethin' on the surface right now

Somethin' the keeps me movin' diggin' deeper down

So I just let the speakers speak to me

Vibrations movin' on the floor all around

The night is done

When we break the dawn

The daylight scene never hurt nobody

And if the DJ decides there ain't no more party

'Cause we're turnin' when we're good and ready

We step outside Til the sunrise

Wait up and let me...

We ain't goin' nowhere 'til we good and ready

Im Blogging Again.........

Sitting in the office now - had a chat with Louw on the balcony and just taking it slow until the boss comes in.

Thinking back at the weekend which was actually a wonderful weekend. So much happned. Made new friends which for me is quite an accomplishment as I find it very difficult to make friends - never once did I feel like I was being judged. Wonderful group of people they are.

Conversations that could go on for hours and conversations that never ceases to amaze me. Where were these people? Right in front of me the whole time I guess but I was too blind/scared to approach or acknowledge.

My eyes went open last night - by open I mean lets just say that the lights went on. Two and two was put together. I saw things differently or from a different perspective - all of this happned over a cup of tea and a cigarette - can you believe it?

I wouldn't say that my brain is about to explode because that would be me being a bit over dramatic but imagine that your being pulled from the left to the right non-stop and then at the same time pressure is being applied from let me count 1.....2.....3.... sides which doesn't make the pulling that much better - it just puts alot of unneccesary strain on me.

I have so much questions - non of which are answered... How do I get these answers? Do I just plain outright ask them or do I leave them so that life will eventually answer them.

Looks like life is handing me another curve ball. Will I be able to dodge this one or will it hit me straight in the face?

This is me for now... Over and out...

Denial

If you read the lyrics below whilst in the wrong frame of mind you will completely mis interpret what is actually being said.... So if your not in the right frame of mind don't read

Somewhere in the back of my mind

Secretly I know you will find

Me amongst the blushing and glow

Deep beyond the things I don't show

Mystery's a beautiful thing

What a gift a man can bring

Never let it out just like that

Let him slowly figure it out

How can a flower bloom

Just over a day?

And at night

You gotta let the water drain in

I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you

I wasn't supposed to know the things

I knew It wasn't till

I looked into the mirror

You were like a power of nature

Telepathic beautiful creature

Understanding all of my weakness

Patient, loving, knowing you'd reach it

Cynical and hurt was just me

You were never supposed to be

Part of what I would call amazing

Took so long to finally see

How can a flower bloom

Just over a day? And at night

Bla Bla Bla

I never been a fan of long goodbye's
I'm at the finishing line and you're just way too far behind
I got the bruises to prove it
Then I swallowed your words and I spit them right back out

Two Strangers

I never thought that I'd see the day that lonliness would lose. I always thought whould never get to choose. I always thought I would be the one the luck would leave alone until the day I heard your voice on my phone.

I have never seen your face but I always hear your voice, and although we have never met it feels like I have known you for a lifetime.

We're just two strangers but we can feel each others hearts in a world thats torn apart we will keep loving till the end

I never thought the day would come that I would find a friend, a special friend on whom I could depend. So tired of seeing couples do the things that lovers do. That will all seem far away when I wake up next to you. And all those night that felt so long will turn into a longer day
I thank the Lord for sending you - I can't believe you came my way.

The world will keep on breaking it's promises but i will keep my promises to you. No matter what the darkness deals us we will stand together.