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To all my friends,

A clean slate – something that all of us wants but almost no one gets to achieve for a simple reason that no one is willing to look past the things that occurred in the past.

I lay here – not looking for forgiveness, not for a second change but for you to see that I have changed and truly am making an effort to be a better person.

What I have done in the past I am not proud of for one second. In the past I could have been classified in all the categories that you can possible think of: slutty, bitchy, backstabber, egocentric, self absorbed/centered, needy, liar and the list can go on till I run out of space to type.

I have noticed the error of my ways and I know how it feels to have nothing. Nothing in the sense of you have everything but it’s still nothing.

I watched Gossip Girl followed by Cruel Intentions right after one another and for a while I couldn’t realize why I related so much to all those things that occurred in the shows but then the light went on.

I was the one that used to do everything to get to the top spot at any cost. I was the one that liked to be center of attention and when someone stole that from me I would get back at them at whichever cost. I was the one that slept with the boyfriends best friend to get back at him. I was the one that destroyed countless peoples lives by things that I have said and things that I have done. I’m not proud of the above mentioned things but one things is certain.

I am trying to change because on can only put up the facade for so long until it catches up to you.

Some of you I hurt in ways that I can’t even begin to explain and the things I said I will never be able to take back and for THAT I will never be able to forgive myself for. I’m not asking for forgiveness or anything. All I ask for is for you to understand that I am changing and I really want you to be a part of my life. If it means that it’s in a completely platonic manner where we only greet each other or whatever then so be it.

You have made an impact on my life regardless of whether or not it was good or bad – the impact you made was enough for me to ultimately realize that as you I am human and that as you I have made mistakes. Mistakes that aren’t easy to forget not to mention to forgive.

Being back in Cape Town has made me realize a lot of things all of which I am so grateful for that I can’t begin to explain it.

I have come to terms with a lot of issues that I still had to deal with as person. I have learnt to accept. I have learnt to forgive. I have gotten closure on some stuff from the past and I am moving on. I’m surrounding myself with positivity because as the end of the day, like a friend said, you are what you surround yourself with and I am surrounding myself with a positive group of people, all of whom will and are having a great influence on my life.

With this paragraph I end of by saying that YES I have made mistakes in the past and yes I wasn’t the best friend to a lot of you that I could have been but that is busy changing for I have realized my potential and what I can be.