The good old times...

Thinking back on this Sunday afternoon...

If you could choose any age to go back to - which age would it be?

I would choose the age of 10. The reason for that is that was when I was innocence personified. I'm laughing as I am typing this but yes - At that age of 10 I had no worries. Not a care in the world.

But now at the age of 20 I have so much to worry about:

• Will I have enough money to last me throughout the month?
• Will I be able to pay all my debt?
• Will I meet my hectic deadlines?

I found some very old CD's of mine going back to like 1998 and I am astounded at the music I listened to.

There is S Club 7, Britney's first CD and many more I was laughing all the way as I went through the CD's.

It sometimes makes you realise how fragile life is and quickly time passes.

Did I do stuff in the past that I regret? Yes I did.

Do I wish that I can take time back and go change the stuff? No I don't because that would change me as the person that I am today.

To sum everything up. Life is short - too short. Embrace everyday. Live everyday to the fullest. Forget the past. The past happned. There is nothing that you can change about it. Do not live in the future because then you try to make stuff work that hasn't even happned yet.

Reviewing....

In my room again... taking everything that happened this week and just thinking about it whether it's now good or bad. It really doesn't matter because one way or the other we are going to be forced to deal with it whether we like it or not.

This week was crappy and good at the same time. Had a nervous breakdown - again. Recovered and now I am back on track.

Keywords that sum up this past week:

confusion, mistakes, regret, hate, love, denial, acceptance, sorting out, fight, apologies

.......

emotionally i'm not strong enough and can't cope with alot of things

It's been a long while coming....

Well what's news on my side? Busy writing my book although I'm suffering from writers block at the moments.

Friendship wise it's going good.

In all other aspects of my life it's going a bit fucked up. Thats about as much as I will elaborate...

If a picture says a thousand words then what would the picture above say. I took that picture last night. Everything was getting too much for me yet again.... How do I allow this to happen? Am I that weak?

My skin is like a map, of where my heart has been

And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing

So I let down my guard, drop my defences, down by my clothes

I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow
If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know

Things I've Learnt

I've learned that, no matter what happens, how badit seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things: a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents,you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.

I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life...'

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt onboth hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if youfocus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work anddoing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, Iusually make the right decision.

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.

I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn!

Say...

Baby tell me, do I look like the kind of boy that you wanna take home and wanna make me your own? Do you even know what I like? Just what I'm living for, what I adore? Baby, take the time to realize, I'm not the kind to sacrifice the way I am. So if you wanna be my man baby you got to walk a mile in my shoes. Do me right or your through. Can't you see that if you wanna stay around, I'm telling you, you got to figure me out. Boy, take your time or you'll lose. This is my game, my rules, and I can see, obviously, you don't know what it's like to be me.

Do you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it? Or did you trade it for something, somewhere better just to have it? Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong, but, nothing's turned out how you wanted. Do you know what your fate is? And are you trying to shake it? You're doing your best and your best look - you're praying that you make it. I said I all I need is the air I breathe and a place to rest my head.

Since there's no more you and me. It's time I let you go so I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you. Thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals tooIt'll all get better in time. I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to .

Whenever the end is. Do you think you can see it? Well, until you get there. Go on, go ahead and scream it! Just say it!

Black & White

Why do I keep blaming myself when something doesn't work out?

Why do I make myself feel worthless?

It's just not worth it. Absolutaley not worth it. I make myself depressed and worthless. Why? Not because I want to but because indirectly people make me feel that I am worthless. I don't even think they notice it.

You may have the body, the self confidence, the looks or you may even be an extrovert but I am not one of those. Been hurt far to much to be self confident or feel good about the way that I look.

I probably need 4 hands to count the number of people that did me wrong this past 3 years (10 of which was from this year alone).

You get the people that lead you on and when you want things to go to a certain direction they totally freak out and drop the VERY OLD & TIRED "we should just be friends" line.

It's such a fucking old line. I just don't and probably will never be able to understand why people are afraid. What makes a 20-year old see things differently than older people?

Just because one person did you wrong doesn't mean that the whole world will do you wrong.... WAIT.... In Cape Town the story is different... If one person does you wrong then 90% of Cape Town will... Been there, done that and I got the T-Shirt that says "POES" on it.

Come to think of it... A book will be a good idea...... What shall I call it?

• Let's blame it on the past...
• Will the future be brighter than my shitty past?
• Capetonian's Guide to all the fuckers in Cape Town
• What not to do...
• Are all men assholes? I know so...
• Let's just be friends.... The tale of a 20 year old