Been thinking a lot lately about being gay, gay relationships and all of the things that go along with it. For anyone that says gay people have it easy, I merely have to say THINK AGAIN. For those who think gay people have the most perfect relationships, I merely have to say THINK AGAIN. Being gay and being in a gay relationship is probably one of the most difficult things that you will have to do or be part of if you’re the “lucky” one. Not only is a gay relationship more challenging than any straight relationship it’s also a lot more work and has its own set of unique issues that one has to deal with on a daily basis.
One tends to forget that it is two men in a relationship and woman will most probably agree when I say that men are stubborn as hell and they are proud beings not wanting to lose. You throw that into a relationship and you will finally get what I am speaking about. What to do when two men are stubborn and neither one wants to lose the argument. The answer is simple – you speak. I said speak. Not abuse and not yelling because that really isn’t the answer. Walking away and pretending an issue hasn’t arisen also isn’t the answer. Communication in a calm fashion is really the only way to go.
Don’t get me wrong – am in a loving relationship and as with all relationships it has it’s up’s and downs but mostly what we have that most relationships doesn’t have is communication.
I write this as I feel like I want/need to speak my mind because so many people are either afraid to say what I am saying or too scared because other people might look at them differently. My only advise if this is you is to get that little uptight stick that is stuck in your ass out of there and accept that you are human and not f..king perfection and/or God’s gift to men/woman because you are most probably not.
Perfection is another subject that just pissed the living shit out of me. There is no such thing as perfection and there is no such thing as the perfect person. I refer to a story that a girl at the office told me and it goes like this. A man went on a search to find the perfect woman and for years he travelled the world in search of the perfect woman. Upon his return his friends asked him if he found the perfect woman. His response was that yes he found her. Surprised his friends asked him where this perfect woman is. He merely replied by saying “She is looking for the perfect man”.
Relationships aren’t perfect and rarely if ever will a relationship go by without any fights, arguments or disagreements happening, but the most important thing to remember is to never speak when you are angry as one only ends up saying the most hurtful things which you can’t take back afterwards and once those words have left your mouth you will never be able to take them back. The damage has been done.
I have learnt and made a lot of mistakes with past relationships that I thought with this relationship I won’t make any more mistakes as I went through them and know very well what the after effects will be. Here I discover that there are more mistakes, more difficult mistakes, more difficult decisions and over and above all more compromises.
Everyone and I mean everyone is scared of compromise. My definition of compromise I got from Grey’s Anatomy of all places. Goes something in the lines of: In a relationship the two people are like two rocks that need and want to go together. What does one do when you want these rocks fit together? You shave pieces off to make it fit. Now as with the rocks we as human beings shave pieces off ourselves to make ourselves fit with our partner. The thing that one must be careful is though that you must not shave off so much of yourself that you look at yourself in the mirror one day not remembering the person that is staring back at you in the mirror.
I keep on referring to my relationship as I have learnt so much in this short time that I can’t help but firstly be thankful and secondly feel blessed.
Acceptance is one thing that we all either do or we don’t do. In a relationship this comes up a lot because you are either going to accept certain parts of your partner because to begin with you are two very different beings trying to fit together, or you are not going to accept and leave thinking to yourself what the relationship could have been if you have just accepted instead of being the stubborn ass man that you know you are.
Fighting in any relationship is inevitable and cannot be avoided. The question you must ask yourself is this. Are you fighting to stay together or is the fighting to break each other down and be apart. The answer that you get there is pretty much self explanatory. When fighting don’t fight to hurt – fight to find a solution. Too often we jump the gun and assume (jup I do that too) and end up missing the whole point so much that you spend more than enough time fixing and making up for the assumption than anything else.
The mind is a very powerful thing and it’s also your worst enemy. Seeing and letting you believe that things are there when 99% of the time things aren’t there is just one of the many tricks it plays on you. This is where communication and trust comes in. If your mind is playing tricks then have the balls to tell your partner about what is bothering you instead of losing sleep over what you mind is letting you to believe. You might be thinking that this will spark a fight but I can almost guarantee you that the conversation will be very calm and you will get rest for your soul and just continue with this road known as a relationship. Too many times people let things bottle up and then when it all eventually released you find yourself thinking “why didn’t he tell me this earlier”
I have found that when in a relationship you easily find out who you’re true friends are. You win some and you lose some as they always say. Those friends who get jealous of the relationship and think your neglecting them because of this relationship are not real friends to begin with. Those people who are constant throughout everything, they are the ones who are keepers and real friends.
In relationships you will have to meet the other partners friends and boy oh boy is this one tricky situation. You find yourself biting your nails and doing things you never do for the simple fact that you want them to like and approve of you. You ask yourself constantly if they like you and approve of you but you never really get the answer. Been blessed to have met my partners friends and I must say that they have made me feel beyond welcome and they are truly people that I would be proud of calling friends.
Relationships aren’t easy and when you are gay they are more difficult. They require attention, communication, affection, trust, honesty and over and above all, commitment. The question you have to ask yourself is this. Are you in it for the long run or is this merely just a quick way of having that emptiness fulfilled because you are scared of being alone?
