Had Enough... No Really I Have Had Enough

I sit here and listening to music whilst at work and once again I find myself looking for words to type and a shit load of thoughts just rush to my head - all at once and do I know where to even start with it all? No, in all honesty I don't.

Let's start with how I feel - NUMB/DEAD is the two words that could possible begin to describe how I currently feel. Empty shell with nothing inside. Finding out that the past seven months of your life was one big lie is not something that one deals with easliy especially if you have invested so much in something that was a LIE!!!!

I quote from my favourite song at the moment:

Milk it for all it's worth, make sure you get there first

The apple of your eye, the rotten core inside

You had to have it all, well have you had enough ?

You greedy little bastard, you will get what you deserve

When all is said and done, I will be the one 

To leave you in your misery and hate what you've become

I dont know what to say in all fucking honesty I just need a place where I can vent and say whatever the fuck I want to help me cope with this and what I am going through because I am hurting so fucking bad that I just want to give up.

You took fucking every last piece of me. I gave you my all and you want to turn around and pretend like nothing happned and like I never existed in your life. Thank you for breaking me into a million little pieces and then walking away like I never meant a fuck to you.

To put the cherry on top of the cake - ALL your friends warned me against you and even went as far as to say that you will hurt me. Did I listen to any of them? No I did not and who got hurt? You? Fuck no!!! Me, you greedy bastard!!!

You take and you take - well guess the fuck what? I have nothing left - NOTHING! I'm not even sure I will ever be able to commit to a relationship again in my life. Because I want to? NO! But because of what you did to me!

All I can say is that Karma is a bitch and when she decides to start working you are going to be so hurt and I am not one to spread bad Karma but I hope someone you love hurts you and breaks your fucking heart into a million little pieces - like you did mine.

I don't know if what you did to me is a direct reflection of what your ex did to you but let me just say if it is then it doesn't say much about you as person, you greedy bastard!!!

I don't know what the fuck I will do when I see you again. All I can say is that I hope and pray that God will fill me with calm that I do not smash your fucking face into the wall you piece of shit!

I finish off by saying the following which is probably the most saddest part.

Even though you broke my heart into a million pieces, I still love you with every last piece...

Broken Hearted Boy

You're everything I thought you never were and nothing like I thought you could have been, but still, you live inside of me, so tell me how is that? You're the only one I wish I could forget, the only one I love to not forgive and though you break my heart, you're the only one and though there are times when I hate you because I can't erase the times that you hurt me and put tears on my face and even now, while I hate you, it pains me to say that I know I'll be there at the end of the day.

There's something that I feel I need to say but up til' now I've always been afraid that you would never come around and still I wanna put this out.

You say you've got the most respect for me but, sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me
And still, you're in my heart but you're the only one and yes, there are times when I hate you, but I don't complain because I've been afraid that you would walk away. Oh, but now I don't hate you and I'm happy to say that I will be there at the end of the day.

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be. I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free to spread my wings and fly away, away without you....

I don't wanna be without my baby
I don't want a broken heart
Don't wanna take a breath without my baby
I don't wanna play that part
I know that I love you, but let me just say
I don't want a broken heart
I don't wanna play the broken-hearted boy