Another day without you with me is like a blade that cuts right through me, but I can wait
I can wait forever. When you call my heart stops beating. When you're gone it won't stop bleeding. I can wait forever.

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away, so I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away and I can't lie. Every time I leave my heart turns gray and I want to come back home to see your face.

It's like every time I turn around I see your face the thing I miss the most is waking up next to you. When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay and I can't lie but every time I leave my heart turns gray and I want to come back home to see your face.

I know it feels like forever. I guess that's just the price I got to pay. But when I come back home to feel your touch. Makes it better...

Can't find words to say yet I keep on speaking

So I sit here - nothing, absolutaley nothing is going through my mind. So numb already, find myself feeling numb and dispondant a lot lately but don't know why.

Wondering what is going on with me lately - kind of don't know who I am anymore. Everyone wants a piece but I can only give so much.

Here I Sit...

So here I sit in my room, stretched out on my bed with my laptop laying infront of me as I type this blog. It's cold outside and raining. Had such a beautiful day yesterday and to wake up this morning and hear that it's raining outside is not a nice feeling. I wonder if Summer will ever come to Cape Town?

I had so much time on my hands this weekend to just think about everything and take everything in consideration and put most of what I call my "life" into perspective. What have I done? Created order? Made sence of everything? All in all I just feel like I confused the living shit out of myself this weekend. Nothing in this world is solid and signed in ink as garuantee that it will happen.

I turn on my back and try to look deep inside myself to find some words to type as I am quickly running out of words... The only thing that keeps crossing my mind is the following... How much have I changed in the past year? If there is one thing I can say it is that I'm getting control of my depression. I'm more understanding of people and what people have to say where as in the past I would just tell them to fuck off and not bother what they have to say.

My group of friends are split into two groups. Those who like what or shall I say who I have become, and those who hate the person I have become... Those who prefer me being depressed and those who like to see me happy... Those who prefer me with no self confidence and those who like my new found self confidence... Those who like it when I allow people to walk over me and those who like it when I stand up for myself... Those who like seeing me when I fall to the ground and those who help me up from the ground...

I have reached a stage in my life where I prioritize everything and I mean EVERYTHING! If your worth it then I will fight for you, otherwise you can take the high road which means your not worth an ounce of my energy...

Do I like the person I have become? I don't know yet. I really wish I could tell you but I can't. It's all too new for me. Too long I have sat in the corner and let life pass me by... Not anymore... I'm living my life and not letting my life live me...

When My Time Comes

I dreamt I was missing and you were so scared, but no one would listen because no one else cared. After my dreaming I woke with this fear - What am I leaving? When I'm done here? So if you're asking me I want you to know the following.

When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty keep me in your memory.

Don't be afraid. I've taken my beating. I've shared what I've made. I'm strong on the surface but not all the way through. I've never been perfect.